I'm Sorry

I’m good at screwing things. I lost count on how many baju kurung that I’ve burn using the iron. How many cell phones that I’ve drop on the ground? How many time I’ve screwed my relationship. I lost count. We’re all human. We all screw up, generally pretty regularly.

And failure is something that I'm good at evidently. In so many ways that I ashamed to write it down here, I know sometimes I’m a failure. I’ve failed to make my parents proud of me. Maybe not until now, but I promise someday I will make them proud. And sometimes I’ve failed to be a good friend.

But today, I’ve failed to be the best girlfriend for you.

I’ve screwed up your food when I overheated it. And just to see you eating it for sahur makes me feel guilty. And then you cut your hand while opening the food can, just to cook for me, because I’m hungry.

And your hand was not the only thing that bleeds this morning.

I’ve said bad thing and stupid thing when I’m mad. I do. And I know when I’m having my period I always drive you crazy. I will cry over the smallest stupidest thing, sometimes without any reason at all.

But I know that’s not an excuse.

You are the best thing that happened to me in a very long time. And I really don’t want to screw this up. I really want to make this work.

I know you always read my blog. And Sayang if you read this, I want you to know that I’m sorry for what I’ve said, I don’t mean it. I love you so deeply, if only I can express it in words, I will. I know I cant take it back. And it really kills me just to think about it.

I’m sorry. And I love you.