You Know You Are Fat

1. When your stretch pants have stretch marks.

2. When Oprah comes to you for recipes.

3. When you crack the bathtub just standing in it.

4. When you get charged double for airline seats.

5. When your mama gives you a turkey with candles in it on your birthdays.

6. When you can't fit into your clothes that u wore a couple of days ago.

7. When you can't see your feet.

8. When men quit looking at your ass.

9. When you look to buy new clothes the common reason being you can’t fit a medium size top.

10. When you go to the gym with your friend to ask about the plans you become the apple of the receptionist until you tell her that it’s not you, but your friend (who coincidentally is way thinner than you) who's looking for the gym.

11. Whenever you talk to your mom she talks about diet plans and going for a jog.

12. When people stop inviting you at parties or every goddamn joke ends on you and your prosperous belly.

13. When someone calls you fat.