Yesterday Threw Everything At Me

Forgiveness is not something one just wakes up and does. It is not easy. It takes wisdom and strength. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset me, or condoning of their action or saying that was done was acceptable. Forgiveness is cheap. What that I am after is to find peace, accepting that nothing I do to punish them will heal me.

I have been in situations where people have hurt me. I mean, really truly hurt me. And yet later, they have come to me and apologized for their trespasses towards me and asked for forgiveness. I have forgiven them both for them and for me. I haven’t seen the point in hanging on to the anger and the bitterness of the situation. Although its bugs me at the first place, but later I have learned not to really think about it. I don’t need to fight fire with fire, and I don’t need to turn into a fighter, to fight one.

There have been times I have chosen although to forgive this person, at the same time, I have not chosen to continue with them in my life. That was a difficult thing for me. It maybe leaves them feeling as though they haven’t been truly forgiven. They have, trust me. But I just don’t need to put myself into that situation again to be hurt.

I think the hardest person to forgive is me myself. Forgiveness is something you do for you. For whatever things you may have said or done. I need to really find it within myself to realize my mistake, and to go about correcting it. To accept the responsibility for my actions that may have harmed not only me, but those around me, those that I love and care for and who care for me. That takes serious guts.

I completely understand how you can forgive someone, and at the same time, not allowing them to go back into your space. They have hurt you so it’s over now, and it’s stopped hurting.

Trust me,it is hard to give up on someone you really love, someone you really care, someone that you treat like your own family. And I don't want to give up on that someone.

However, it doesn’t change what has happened. And if they could do it once, are they going to respect and appreciate your forgiveness, or are they going to abuse it? Do you think they deserve a second chance to make things better for future?

* For people that I have hurt (you know who you are), I would like to ask for your forgiveness. Sorry for the mess and everything I have put you through. It wasn't my attention and it was foolish of me to do that.

* Thanks Yun, Syaza and Sufey for always be there for me. Thanks for accepting me as who I am and what I am as a person. Because of that, you guys became so special to me. Thanks for being my friends, my bestfriends.

* As for Ajip, Asip and Gad, nice talking to you guys yesterday. It did help in a funny way.